Monday 17 November 2008

Perks of the job

There weren't may perks to be had in teaching; the odd roll of sellotape to wrap Christmas presents, a few pens and pencils and the odd packet of paper - that was about it.

Where did the vodka come from?

When the schools were amalgamated, those that were going elsewhere decided to stock up ready for their new schools. One teacher in particular filled the back of his estate car with every conceivable item he could possibly need from board rubbers to felt tip pens.

As he left the car park, it became clear that he hadn't closed the boot lid properly. So, as he turned out of the car park, the lid opened and the carefully packed booty slid out onto the road.

Boxes and packets were strewn everywhere along with a bottle of vodka which smashed creating a stream of alcohol behind his car. The discretion that he had shown packing the car was totally wasted.

That was a mistake

In my latter years at the new school, I was Assistant Headteacher with responsibility for Finance. One time, the Headteacher made the mistake of suggesting to me that each member of the Senior Management Team should have a laptop. Of course he wanted one for himself and could only justify the purchase if we all had one.

It took me less than two hours to place the order for six top-of-the range Dells.

Out of the members of the team, two of us used the laptops extensively. The Head took his home for his son to use; another member took his home where it stayed in its bag ; one wasn't even taken out of the box that it was delivered in and the last one replaced an ageing desktop in a Deputy Head's house.

When I retired I negotiated with the Head who allowed me to keep my laptop. At the time I did feel a twinge of guilt; after all the computers cost the school £1,600 each. I needn't have worried though. When the school eventually closed all the staff, who by then had been "loaned" laptops by the Authority kept them.

I also had a school credit card, something that the Head had declined.

When the Head suggested a weekend conference for members of the SMT, the Senior Admin. Assistant and I booked us into one of the smartest hotels in Liverpool. We ate well, drank the finest wines and cognacs on offer and even smoked the best Cuban cigars.We did fall short of ordering champagne for breakfast - that might just have been over the top.

When it came to settling the bill, I simply produced the School credit card and paid for the lot. The colour drained from Head's face when he saw the total. He never suggested a follow up event.

The day I retired, the Head came to see me in the morning to recover the credit card from me. I managed to keep him waiting until my farewell speech to hand it over. The suggestion that there might be some items on the bill in Spanish did not go down well with him.

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